I like my job, but one of the best things about school is knowing that I’m not going to be there forever. Too many days like today and I’d understand why most people are the way they are.
A while ago, perhaps a month, I didn’t know if I truly wanted to be accepted. I mean, I haven’t felt a longing for school and taking time off was clearly the best course of action. But then I couldn’t get a good long-term real job and decide to apply. I started my current job a month before I take the GREs and about three months before the apps were due. My point being: if I got this job directly out of school, I don’t know if I would have applied for school at all.
I’m going because, partly, it’s most likely the best course of action. And perhaps it was just a preemptive defense mechanism, but I began believing that it wouldn’t be the worst thing if I didn’t get in. I can’t say I truly wanted to be rejected, but there were moments. There’s a fair bit that can be said about finally starting one’s life; as it is, school feels like more prolongation. It may not be a bad thing, but still.
Like today, eating lunch in the cafeteria, the guys talking about TVs–and I know that that hi-def big screen is now at least a half decade away. No school? Maybe a year. It’s a bit depressing.