I think I mentioned this last time: if I thought it would get better, I’d stick around.
As it is: I’ve pretty much decided to give it another semester. Doing so should, God willing, get me a Masters, which would make this not a complete waste of time. I do also think things might maybe kinda get better, so.
Ended up talking with the parents. At least it makes me happy that I know them as well as I do. The most insightful conversation I had was via email with the esteemable Mr. K who made some excellent points: not about school, per se (which is what everyone else was doing) but about deeper motivations, etc. It made a whole load of sense, which has made me feel better about things. I still hate graduate school and probably always will, but at least now I know why (in a deeper know-thyself sort of way).
Through all this I am close to coming to a second conclusion: I’m thinking of taking boxing lessons. Primarily, it would give me motivation to take off these extra stones. Secondarily, being in school is like getting mentally hit over and over–at least physically I can punch back.
Besides, who wouldn’t want to see me get my well-deserving ass kicked?
Hey, I thought I would check up on your blog. Sorry things are tough for you in Grad school. I have been through the depressed-undergrad stage, and I can only imagin grad school is so much harder. I do know that you are a freakin’ genius, so I hope whatever happens, you are able to apply yourself to something that is challenging and rewarding. Good luck, Lin. It is good to be in touch.
Comment by Emily — May 1, 2008 @ 2:04 am
Hello!
I recognize myself in your posts about graduate school and how hard it is. I am a Ph.D. candidate in biology, about to start my sixth(!) year of grad school. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in your struggles with academia: I struggle with it too. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. There is no easy answer when it comes to deciding whether to leave or not, but I don’t think your hope that it will get better is misplaced. Grad school is a roller coaster: sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down.
I hope you find the strength and peace of mind to make the best decision for yourself. I am sure you are stronger than you think, and you can do this. You have to believe you can do it–believing is half the battle.
And do try to take good care of yourself. I think eating well, exercising, and blowing off steam (boxing or otherwise) help a lot when you are struggling with your graduate work.
Take care, contemplative one.
Rose-Anne
Comment by Rose-Anne — July 14, 2008 @ 4:50 pm